My Pot Drawer

I watched Wall-E. Not bad, I guess. I was entertained.

However, when I strip off the amazing animation and the sassy voices (or cute beeps), the plots all look the same. Look at how easy it is to fashion a passable Pixar/Disney scene, entitled The Pot Drawer.

GENERAL CHEESE GRATER: (in a gruff tone) All right, all right, all right, there’s gonna be a few changes around here. 

(groaning from the rest of the pots and pans.)

GENERAL CHEESE GRATER: But I don’t wanna hear any ‘o you guys complainin!  Okay, let’s get Stockpot’s lid out of Sauté’s business there…. Steamer, you’ve been standing up for the past four months. Sit down before you fall down! …right, now send any orphan lids to the lid rack…. if they have any room, that is…

(looking over, as lids of the lid rack clatter to make it look like there’s no room.)

Yeesh… 

(moving on)

and Greenpot!

GREENPOT: Sir!

GENERAL CHEESE GRATER: I heard you gotta bum wing. That’ll teach you to tuck your handle in next time the Man slams the drawer!

(GREENPOT looking embarrassed.)

GENERAL CHEESE GRATER: Aw… it happens to the best of us, buddy boy bumps. Good to have you back in the drawer. 

GREENPOT: (sheepishly and stammering) Th-th-thank you, ss-sir. 

GENERAL CHEESE GRATER: (moving on) Okay, pots, you all look nestled pretty good there. Small pots… one of you’s gonna get cut. I heard the Man talkin about it yesterday when I was out for Taco Nite. 

(Small pots start to shiver.)

GENERAL CHEESE GRATER: Now don’t be alarmed, I’m sure you’ll be shipped to a nice…er… warm… retirement living center.

BLENDER: Yeah, that’s horse honky for Salvation Army, or worse, the Dump!

(More alarum in the drawer.)

GENERAL CHEESE GRATER: Hey Blender, what are you doing here? This a movie about pots, not kitchen appliances. 

BLENDER: Look who’s talkin, cheese grater.

GENERAL CHEESE GRATER: (livid) Go back to The Brave Little Toaster, you electrified piece of junk!

….and high jinks ensue.

The plot creation is that simple. What if something that isn’t human, lived, acted, and talked like a human? As is the trend, certain aspects of our reality will still be intact, albeit arbitrarily so or in the service of some plot-device.

Moreover, this movie would include immodestly dressed political messages, tearing at you from every angle. In the hypothetical movie about my pot drawer, coated pots (Blacks, say) and stainless steel pots (the Whites) provide good racial commentary. The movie could also explore overcrowding as a problem (a common one in other drawers in my house).  

And in the end, for some reason, that Drawer is everybody’s home. There’s your hypothetical animated movie for the day. The same formula, still going strong for Disney after all these years. Has Disney put out a non-CGI (I’m sure I’m getting this term wrong), aka painted, motion pictures lately? 

Anyway, you might be wondering why the blender and the cheese grater stay there.

(Because that’s where I’ve put it the past 20 years)