The tone on this blog has gotten too serious, lately. I aim to put a stop to that. In under 24 hours, my last post on Swine Flu sky-rocketed to the most viewed post in the history of this site. This is an effort to curtail this trend, and to reaffirm that I have no serious purpose here.

So nu: Boob dishonesty.

I find it a little hypocritical whenever a girl criticizes another girl for installing breast implants, while she herself has an inch of foam in each cup. 

I know it’s not the same thing. But it’s close enough to false advertising to grind my gears. Those men who can’t recognize a padded bra when they see one—and these are fewer than you’d expect—will only be in for a disappointment once they unhook that pusher-upper. 

Still, asking a woman to feel confident about her boobs is about as reasonable as asking a man to feel confident about his dick. But as some will attest, bigger doesn’t necessarily mean better, and if I wanted to be suffocated by two hunters in a hammock, I’d have worn camo. So come on, girls! Great boobs come in all shapes, sizes and colors. 

If I had any female readers, I’m sure a shitstorm would gather over my head because of this commentary. In anticipation of such an anomaly, I’ll say this:

Boys, if feeling a little deprived, stuff your dick into a hollowed-out squash and cram it in your pants. The girls will just love that.