Hazardous Rod, an underpaid school teacher and amateur cartographer, lives in central Michigan with a dog named Fezzik, a cat onomatopoetically named Scritch, and a host of uninvited spiders and rodents, who are welcome to his crumbs. He believes butter and sugar can make most foods taste better. Speaking of food, his favorite ethnic varieties go in this order: Cajun, Italian, Mexican, short order. He teaches dead languages, but thinks people should study film instead of literature, because nobody reads anymore :0( but then again, nobody memorizes the Illiad and the Odyssey or drives horses and buggies, either.

He only feels qualified to comment on music and sports, and sometimes current events.